


Can you imagine it?

by Noexcuseforme



Category: Call the Midwife
Genre: F/F, Family, Fluff, Friendship, Gen, Love, Smut, a bit of everything
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-21
Updated: 2017-04-06
Packaged: 2018-10-09 00:05:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 14,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10399215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Noexcuseforme/pseuds/Noexcuseforme
Summary: Short Pupcake scenes I can imagine but cant stretch out into full fics. Some fluff, some smut, a bit of everything.





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> I used to post these solely on tumblr but I've been encouraged to post these up on here as well so i hope you enjoy them, chapter one wasn't even supposed to be a fic it was just an idea, that's why it's so short.

_“Card games with Delia are always fun”_ Patsy muses while the two of them are enjoying a post coital cuddle. “Exhausting, but fun”.

After a while Patsy in silence she notices Delia’s fallen asleep so she figures this would be a good time to make her exit. She quietly puts her pyjamas back on and is making her way to the door when she hears Delia say sleepily…

“Do you always sneak away without kissing me goodnight?” Because she’s woken up many times without Patsy there.

“Of course not” Patsy says giving her a smile “I was just making sure no one was in the corridor”.

“Fibber” says Delia with a fake pout. “Come back here” So Patsy does and she gives Delia a soft kiss on the lips

“Goodnight” she whispers,

“Goodnight” Delia says in return, and then brings out one of her hands from under her pillow. “Don’t you want these back?” she says with a smirk, revealing herself to have Patsy’s knickers in her hand.

Patsy manages to keep herself from laughing and says “Why don’t you hang on to them for a while” then kisses her again and says “I love you”, to which Delia replies the same.

Then Patsy gives her a sly wink and makes her exit while Delia puts the knickers back under her pillow.

_“Yes, that was a fun card game!”_


	2. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Delia gets a note from Patsy, this chapter takes place just after Patsy starts working for Nonnatus.

It’s been a long day for poor Delia on the male surgical ward, made even longer due to the fact that Patsy had left that morning for her new job at Nonnatus house. They promised each other they would still be together even though they won’t see each other as often anymore and even though Delia’s glad that Patsy has found a job she has a passion for again it doesn’t stop her feeling sad that she won’t get to see her every day.

So anyway, Delia goes back to her room after a lonely sad day and she notices an envelope with her name on it left on her bedside table, she immediately knows its Patsy’s handwriting so she opens it as quickly as possible.

Inside is a simple note…

_My dearest Delia._

_I hope this keeps you company whenever I cant._

_Love always, Patsy x_

 

Which is when Delia notices the photograph also inside the envelope and she gasps!

 It’s of Patsy; she’s stripped down to her scanties and kneeling seductively on a bed. She’s wearing black silk stockings and garters, black silk knickers and a brassiere that accentuates her breasts beautifully. Her hair is down in a Veronica Lake style wave, and she’s looking straight at the camera with a sexy pouty look on her face.

“Oh….Patsy!” Delia says out loud, thankful that she’s alone. It’s quite possibly the most erotic thing she’s ever seen in her life, she doesn’t care how or when she managed to take this picture, she’s just so very happy that she did.

So after eventually snapping out of the complete shock and awe she’s in she lies down on her bed and gazes at the photo for ages, and then she can’t contain herself anymore and she “takes care of herself”, which was exactly what Patsy had hoped she might do when she took the naughty picture.

Delia of course keeps the photo well hidden within the pages of one of her favourite books, but whenever she’s feeling lonely or just misses Patsy she gets it out and has some fun with herself, always gasping out Patsies name when she orgasms, or she’ll just look at it and remind herself how lucky she is to belong to someone as amazing as Patsy Mount. Oh and of course she manages to show her appreciation to Patsy the very next time the two of them are together.

 

 


	3. 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place after the stillbirth in 4x02

_**“I had to pretend.** _  
_**Pretend what, Pats?** _  
_**That I was in control. I couldn’t let them see.** _  
_**Oh tell me sweetheart, tell me what happened.”** _

Patsy couldn’t speak for at least a few more minutes, the tragedy of the evening was still too raw in her mind. Still the feeling of being held in Delia’s arms, the feeling of her gentle kisses in her hair was so comforting, so nice, it felt safe.

“I delivered a little girl tonight Deels” she finally said. “She was stillborn”

“Oh Pats, I’m so sorry” Delia said, still gently stroking her lovers hair.

“There was nothing we could do; she was already gone by the time she was born”. Patsy continued in between sniffles, with Delia still comforting her with soft kisses.

“I held her and she was so cold. But I couldn’t go home afterwards, I couldn’t tell anyone else, and I didn’t want to see anyone but you”. Patsy said, sitting up and wiping her eyes.

“I’m here Pats” Delia said, kissing her gently on the forehead. “Lie down with me, come on”

She started unbuttoning Patsys coat for no other reason than that she’d be more comfortable, even though she’d spent many a night on her own fantasising about undressing Patsy. Nothing could have been further from either of their minds right then though, what Patsy needed was comfort and nothing more.

Patsy slipped out of her coat and kicked her shoes off before joining Delia on the bed, her sweethearts arms wrapped around her and she’d never felt more loved or taken care of in years. She was still sniffling a little bit and trembling, so Delia kept on lightly kissing her, “Sssh Pats. It’s alright” she whispered. And that’s all Patsy remembered about the rest of that night before she succumbed to a tearful sleep, Delias comfort and love was all she needed as she tried to shake the image of that poor little baby from her mind.

* * *

 

The next morning Patsy awoke first and sat up quickly, straightening her uniform.

“What time is it?” Delia said sleepily

“Early enough” Patsy said, “No one will see me leave, no one will see anything at all” though neither of them made any attempt to move at that moment.

Patsy looked down at Delia, who looked lovely in the morning light and with sleepy eyes. “Thank you, for…well, everything”.

Delia sat up, placing a palm on Patsies face. “I’m glad you came to me last night Pats. I’m always here…if you need me, for anything”. She said

“I know” Patsy said, and with that Patsy leaned in and kissed her sweetheart on the lips. It was meant to only be a quick kiss but neither of them could help themselves get more passionate very quickly. That was until Patsy pushed Delia away with a little more force than she meant. “I’m sorry” she said, looking at Delias confused eyes. “But if we start something now I’m not sure I’d be able to stop”. To which Delia nodded, understanding exactly how she felt.

“I have to go” Patsy said, standing up and putting her coat on. Looking at Delia with a sad smile once it was all buttoned up, then saying nothing else and turning on her heels to leave.

At the door she raised a hand to wave goodbye but still said nothing else, and when she exited Delia was left alone once again.

She lay her head back on the pillow and for the first time all night she cried, she had to be the strong one last night, she couldn’t be upset when Patsy was the one who needed comforting, but this morning she cried hard. She shed tears for the little girl who was born dead, for Patsy being in so much pain about it, for the strain of having to hide her and Patsys relationship all the time, and for not knowing if she would ever be able to share the same bed as Patsy without having her sneak out in the morning.

 


	4. 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This Chapter takes place before Delias first appearance on Call the Midwife and was written purely because I really fancy Patsy in her Scout uniform ;)

As Delia made her way to the community centre she couldn’t help but smile as that night she would be seeing her dear Patsy. Yes it would be amongst a bunch of cub scouts as she gave a talk about first aid, but Delia didn’t care, Patsy was worth anything. Plus she was dying to see her sweetheart dressed in her Akela outfit; Delia never could resist a woman in a uniform, even a scout uniform.

As she walked into the building she could hear chairs being stacked in the main hall and figured that’s where she needed to be, as she looked through the doors windows she saw her Patsy sorting things out for the scout meeting all by herself, a vision in green.

As Patsy had her back turned to the door Delia snuck in quietly, and then being a cheeky young woman she gains Patsy’s attention by shouting “PACK-PACK-PACK!”

Patsy spins around on her heels, startled by the sudden noise, to see Delia standing there with a huge smile on her face and doing the scout salute with her fingers. Patsy can’t help but smile to see her love standing there, so she laughs it off and goes to her.

“Delia! You came” She says happily, taking her hands in hers.

“Of course I did” Delia says, “You asked me to, and I wanted to see this uniform you hate so much”

Patsy winks and does a slow turn so Delia can see the whole outfit. “I know, I look an absolute fool don’t I?

“Oh I like it! You always look good in green” Delia says with a smile, “Besides you know I can’t resist a woman in uniform, why do you think I became a nurse? And this…” she says, grazing her fingers over the grey and purple neckerchief around Patsies neck “This could come in very handy”.

Delia pulls gently on the scarf to bring Patsies face to her level, where she plants a soft kiss to her gorgeous lips.

“Now Akela” Delia says afterwards with a sly grin, “The St John Ambulance is entirely at your service tonight. Do with me as you see fit”.


	5. 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place in Delia’s room after Patsy comes to apologise during the typhoid episode.

Patsy let the tears fall for the first time that day, she finally felt like she could cry now sitting with Delia on her bed, her head placed against her girls shoulder.  
Neither of them really knew how long they sat there and Delia didn’t say a word as Patsy cried, she didn’t need to, she just knew she had to be there for Patsy and hold her as she cried. So she did, she held her and placed gentle kisses into her hair until the tears turned into sniffles and her breathing slowed down again.

Patsy, red eyed and puffy faced but all cried out, looked up at Delia again and kissed her gently on the lips, “Thank you” she said “I feel like I’ve had to be strong all day”.

“You’re welcome Cariad” Delia said softly, placing a kiss onto her forehead.

Patsy wiped her eyes, noting a hint of running mascara on her fingers. “Oh lord, I must look a fright” she said, trying to regain a sense of composure again.

“No sweetheart, you look beautiful” Delia said, and Patsy finally smiled for the first time all day.   
  
“I think you may be the only person I can be at my worst with Deels” she said, trying to smile away her tears.

“I’m glad you can show me that side of yourself Pats” She said, placing a hand gently on the back of her neck. “Oh sweetheart you must be so tired after what’s happened today”. Delia said, and Patsy nodded at that, admitting she was exhausted by everything that had happened.

“Lie down with me” Delia said, stroking Patsies cheek and Patsy simply nodded again letting her girl pull her down onto the bed properly. They lay face to face and Delia wrapped an arm around Patsies waist as Patsy did the same to her, holding each other in bed was something they had dreamed of for so long, it was such a shame it had to be after such a hard day for Patsy.

“I love you Delia” Patsy whispered, feeling suddenly tired and closing her eyes.

“I love you Patsy” Delia replied. “You’re the bravest woman I’ve ever known, and the most beautiful”. She stroked Patsies hair, admiring just how strong and amazing her lover was, she didn’t think she had ever been more in love with her at that moment.

“My beautiful brave Patsy” She said, leaning in to kiss her girlfriends lips.


	6. 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter isn’t set at any particular time, just before and after Delia moves into Nonnatus. I only wrote it because I had been thinking about love bites.

Patsy and Delia knew that everything about their life together had to remain hidden, yes they loved each other and yes they were now living under the same roof but they still had to be careful to make sure no one found out about the relationship between them. Sometimes that was easier said than done; it was simple enough to get by on knowing looks and secret night-time rendezvous when they were both working at the London but when Delia moved in to Nonnatus house they both knew it was going to be hard to keep their hands off each other.

They had a love that could not be spoken or shown and the hardest thing to keep hidden were the physical marks, they both knew they couldn’t be seen with love bites on their necks or even lipstick marks on their uniform collars, the questions it would have raised would have been just excruciating, so they were both as careful as possible when it came to sharing their passions.

There was one incident after a lustful night in the nurses home when Patsy woke up with a deep purple love bite on her neck. “Oh Delia!” she had remarked, looking in the mirror that morning. She wasn’t angry at her young lover, it was quite sweet in a way just how much love they had for each other, it was just inconvenient having to cover it up. Still, a couple of layers of panstick made sure it was unseen and of course Patsy made sure she kept the collar of her uniform tightly buttoned until it had disappeared.

After a while they had both gotten adept at not leaving any marks on each other, well, none in any visible places anyway, the neck, collarbone and arms were strictly forbidden so they found other places to show their desire for each other. Once soon after Delia had moved into Nonnatus house Patsy had gifted Delia with a large love bite on her left breast, just above the nipple. Patsy was quite proud of it in a way, as was Delia, it was visible evidence of their love and even though it would be completely covered by Delias brassiere they both knew it was there and they both knew what it meant.

“Let me see it” Patsy had whispered to Delia the night after she had put it there. They were both sitting on Delia’s bed in their nightclothes and Delia happily unbuttoned her pyjama top to reveal the purple mark her lover had given her. Patsy couldn’t resist touching it and kissing it gently before they both had to part company for the night.

Delia would soon reward Patsy with a little token of her own appreciation, one night she had performed cunnilingus on Patsy and she liked to tease her before beginning by kissing and sucking all the way up her legs and thighs. She had such smooth skin on her inner thighs and Delia couldn’t resist kissing them, Patsy had gasped in bliss throughout as she felt her lovers lips at her most intimate parts.  
Delia left her mark in the form of a large love bite right at the top of her thigh, a large deep purple sign of what they had shared that night and when Patsy saw it the next morning she smiled grandly.

“Oh Delia” she whispered to herself, remembering what they had done for the love bite to have happened. It was a shame that it would have to fade Patsy had thought, it was a physical sign of Delias passion and over the next few days whenever she adjusted her stockings, or used the lavatory or stepped out of the bath she would see it and think of Delia and she couldn’t help but smile the biggest smile she’d ever had on her face.


	7. 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place after the famous "kitchen scene". How could they just cut away after that scene!

**_“But you’ve gone so mad with the lacquer I could pull out every Kirby grip and the beehive wouldn’t budge”_ **

Patsy laughed; gosh her girlfriend was such a tease sometimes. Patsy was a person who took a lot of pride in her appearance, especially when she was in uniform, she couldn’t stand the sight of a slovenly nurse. Still she knew she was only giving her dear Delia more ammunition when she made her beehive as stiff as it could be.

“Come here you” Patsy said, pressing her lips to Delias and enjoying a secret kiss in the privacy of the empty kitchen.

“Mmmm that’s nice Cariad” Delia whispered against her lips as Patsy pulled her closer to her by wrapping her arms tighter around her waist.

Delia let one of her hands wander to her lovers chest and she gently groped her breast, “Welcome home” she said softly as she gradually let her hand go lower

“Deels…” Patsy said, being very aware of where they were right now, yes they were alone but it was hardly completely safe and secure for them.

“Sssh, trust me Pats” Delia whispered as she let her hand wander past her lovers waist and hike up her uniform slightly until she felt Patsy stopping her hand, although there was definitely some reluctance to it.

“Oh go on” Delia said looking at her lover with her best puppy dog eyes “I know you want me to; I can see it on your face”

“You’re an absolute menace Delia Busby” Patsy said with a sly smile

“I don’t hear you telling me to stop” Delia said, continuing to move her hand underneath the skirt of her uniform.

But Patsy didn’t want her to stop, so she said nothing and let Delias hand go further up until she was teasing her fingers over the edge of her underwear. Patsy said nothing; instead she fluttered her eyes downwards and gave Delia a pouty look, daring her to continue.

And so she did, in the kitchen of Nonnatus house Delia began playing with Patsy down below, fingering her gently but confidently as Patsy sighed and relaxed against the counter she was leaning on, “Delia…” she whispered, until Delia pressed her lips against Patsies again, enjoying a longing kiss in the quiet of the kitchen as her fingers kept moving underneath her uniform.

“That’s nice” Patsy whispered “Keep going” she said, before biting down on her lip to keep herself quiet.

After several minutes of Delias fingers working their magic she could feel herself reaching her peak, “I’m close” she whispered, burying her head into Delias shoulder  to silence the sound of her orgasm

“Good girl” Delia whispered, placing her other hand around Patsy’s neck as she finished her off with a few more flicks of her fingers, smiling all the while as she sent her lover into a quiet frenzy.

“Oh…….I knew you’d be a distraction living here” Patsy said, getting her breath back as Delia removed her hand from her knickers.

Delia meanwhile just winked at her slyly and hurried back to the pan of milk on the hob which was almost about to boil over. “Cripes….” She said, turning off the heat quickly.

The two of them took their Bournvitas into the next room so Patsy could clean her instruments before turning in for the night. Delia leaned against the counter watching her whilst she cleaned and they chatted about their respective days as Patsy worked. It was a bizarre kind of domestic bliss they were able to share for just a few moments, it’s what they had dreamed about when they were planning to move in together, Delia waiting up for Patsy at night and keeping her company whilst she cleaned or did other nursely duties, laughing together as they shared stories of their day before heading to bed together. Of course in Nonnatus house they had to sleep in separate rooms, but they could still share a goodnight kiss before departing for the night. It wasn’t perfect, it wasn’t exactly what they had wanted, but at the moment it was all they needed.


	8. 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I chose May 11th at total random, there was no reasoning behind it, i just needed a date and I wrote this chapter last May.

“Oh no…is today the 11th?” Delia remarked as she was chatting with some other Nurses at the end of her shift at the London, she had several night shifts lately that the days had started to blur into one long haze, it was hard to keep track of them sometimes.

“Yes, May 11th” one of the other nurses said to her, eyeing her up as if she had just asked a stupid question.

“Oh cripes” Delia said, hurrying away. She needed to get back to Nonnatus house quickly; she cursed herself for forgetting what today was. No wonder Patsy had been looking so distant yesterday, and Delia had barely even noticed, she had just wanted to crawl into bed and sleep after a long night.

It felt like forever until she arrived back home, her anxiety only making the journey feel longer. All the way back to Nonnatus House Delia couldn’t help but worry about Patsy, she always tried to be so strong but on dates like today Delia knew Patsy would need a friend more than ever.  
She tried to maintain some composure over herself but she practically flung herself inside the door of Nonnatus, much to the surprise of Sister Mary Cynthia who was reaching the bottom of the stairs at that moment.

“Oh…I’m sorry Sister” Nurse Busby said, reprimanding herself.

“That’s quite alright Nurse Busby” the young nun said, “Is something the matter?”

“No sister, I just need to talk to Patsy. Do you know where she is?” Delia said, trying to sound casual.

“I think I saw her go into the chapel a little while ago” the Sister informed her.

 _“Of course”_ Delia thought to herself, “Thank you sister” she said, before they both went their separate ways and Delia walked quietly towards the chapel, looking inside to see Patsy sitting there quietly by herself. Delia said nothing as she slipped inside the room, practically tiptoeing as she came and sat down next to Patsy. She was looking blankly up at the cross on the wall and it was obvious she had been crying.

Delia placed a hand onto Patsy’s, intertwining her fingers with hers and saying nothing until she knew her girlfriend was ready to talk about it. She felt Patsy squeeze her hand gently though, appreciating the fact that Delia was there with her on this day.

“She would have been twenty five today Delia” Patsy finally said, another tear falling down her cheek.

“I know….I’m so sorry Pats” Delia said, bringing her hand up to her lips and kissing it gently. Today was her sisters birthday, the sister she lost in the internment camp when they were both children.

* * *

 

_Delia remembered the first time she had found out about Patsies sister, it was very early in their relationship when they were both living in the nurses home. Delia had found Patsy crying by herself and she had wanted to know what had upset her so much. The whole story came out that day, her life in Singapore, the internment camp, the brutality of it, the typhoid that had killed her mother and her sister and the scars that it had left behind, both physically and mentally._

_She had listened to her that day with eyes widened in horror, and was overcome by a need to hold and love Patsy for the rest of her life._

_“They buried her in that horrible camp.” Patsy had cried that day, “Under a cross made from sticks and string. I don’t even have a grave to visit”._

_“Oh Patsy, I’m so sorry sweetheart” Delia had said to her back then, holding her as she cried whilst placing gentle kisses into her hair._

* * *

 

There were fewer tears nowadays, but it was clear Patsy was still grieving severely for the sister she lost so long ago.

“I wonder sometimes who she would have become” Patsy continued in the chapel, “I wonder about the woman she would have turned into. Would she be married by now? Would she have had children? Sometimes I don’t even remember what she looked like, I just remember how delicate she was, how small and fragile she became in the camp before……”

She didn’t need to finish that sentence for Delia to know what she was going to say, “ _before she died”._

“But I know she would have been beautiful Delia” Patsy said, finally looking at Delia “I know that for certain” More tears then began falling down her face so Delia took her into her arms to comfort her.

“Ssssh” Delia whispered, stroking Patsies hair. “Of course she would Pats”.

“My sister…..My beautiful little sister” Patsy sniffled out, clutching onto Delia so hard it threatened to break her. She was so rarely completely undone like this, it would have been shocking to Delia but she’d seen Patsy like this before, In fact Delia was one of the only people in the world Patsy felt like she could show the best and worst sides of herself too.

They both sat in the chapel together for the longest time afterwards whilst Patsy tried to compose herself, not that Delia minded if she didn’t, she was within her rights to be upset today of all days.

““I wish she could have known you Delia” Patsy whimpered. “I think you two would have become friends……..Oh lord…..” she then said, covering her tear stained face with her hands. “It never gets easier”.

Delia didn’t know what to say to that, she’d had quite a happy childhood, her parents were both still alive and well so it was hard to know what to say to someone who’d been through as much tragedy as Patsy had. “I wish I could do more Patsy, I wish I could say something to make the pain go away” she said

Patsy looked at Delia, wiping her eyes finally and giving her a small smile. “Just the fact that you’re here with me means everything Delia”. She said, taking Delias hand again.

“I’m not going anywhere sweetheart” Delia replied, placing a gentle kiss to Patsys forehead to confirm her statement.


	9. 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place during Delias absence after her bike accident

I miss you Delia, I miss you so much it hurts sometimes.

I miss talking to you, I miss how you could make me feel like I was the only other person on the world, how every problem or pain I felt would disappear when I was with you.

I miss your blue eyes, I miss your smile, I miss the dimples that would appear on your cheeks when you were truly happy.

I miss holding you in my arms, and the feel of your body pressed against mine. I miss the smell of your hair and the way it would feel when I ran my fingers through it.

I miss kissing your lips; I miss the taste of your tongue in my mouth. I miss kissing your neck and the way you would tremble when I did.

I miss feeling you underneath me in bed, I miss the way you would bend your knees at my waist and pull me even closer to you, like there could be no space between us at all.

I miss touching you, feeling every part of you; I miss the little gasps and whimpers you made when we had to be so quiet together, even though I wanted to love you so much that I didn’t care who heard us.

I miss calling you my sweetheart, I miss telling you I love you, because I do Delia, I love you.

I miss you more than words could even say; I miss you and I wish you would come back.


	10. 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Much like the previous chapter this one takes place while she's home in Wales. I guess it's a letter Patsy would want to write but is afraid to put down on paper for real.

My dearest Delia,

There are so many things I can never say out loud, there are so many things I’m not able to tell you,

I’m not able to tell you how my heart stops for a moment whenever I see you,

I’m not able to tell you how badly I want to kiss you,

I’m not able to tell you how I want to make love to you, how I want to lay you down on my bed and kiss your lips until they’re sore,

I’m not able to tell you how I’d like to kiss your neck and leave lovebites all over it,

I’m not able to tell you how much I’d like to kiss your breasts and take a nipple into my mouth as you gasp for breath,

I’m not able to tell you how I’d love to kiss all the way up your back making you shiver with excitement.

I’m not able to tell you how I’d like to part your legs and take your knickers off and play with you until you’re begging for more,

I’m not able to tell you how I’d like to move between your legs and kiss my way down your beautiful thighs until my mouth reaches that sweet centre I crave so much,

I’m not able to tell you how much I’d love to hear you come, how I’d love to hear you cry out my name as my tongue makes love to you.

There are so many things I’m not able to tell you….

But I _can_ tell you how I’d love to lie next to you in bed and hold you in my arms as we both fall asleep.

I _can_ tell you how I’d like to run my fingers through your hair as you lay your head on my chest, breathing in time with me.

And I _can_ tell you this Delia….

**I love you.**

And I believe that to be the most important one of all.


	11. 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place after Delia has returned to Wales following her bike accident

Delia awoke again in the darkness of her bedroom, only she didn’t know it was her bedroom, in fact she didn’t know where she was at all and it wasn’t for the first time either.

Since the bike accident that robbed her of most of her memory she had been hustled away back home to Wales where she had been struggling to remember her family, friends, her job and the life she had back in London. Her mam had been practically wrapping her in cotton wool, treating her like a sick child and never letting her out of her sight for more than a minute.   
In a way it was as if Delia had become a baby again, constantly under the watchful eye of her mother, and in a strange way it was as if Delias accident had brought a child back home, almost like Mrs Busby had become a parent again to a grown up child. The seizures, or _“spells”_ as Mrs Busby called them were the hardest for the family to witness, and even harder for Delia to bear, but her mam was constantly there to make her feel better again with medicines and care.

Delia sat up in her bed, not aware that it was past 1am or that her parents were asleep in the next room, almost by reflex she flipped on the lamp that was next to her bed, along with various medications and a glass of water but even the light in the room didn’t help her remember where she was.

This had been happening quite a lot since she had returned home to Wales; she would forget where she was and would wander away or babble something about nursing or her life in London that her parents couldn’t understand. It was like snapshots of her life coming back, but then they would disappear and she would become like a child again. It was happening at that moment, she was remembering that she was a nurse, and she was convinced she was supposed to be on duty and not lying in bed, but when she stood up she realised she wasn’t in the nurses home, and her uniform was nowhere to be found, this surely  meant she would be reprimanded by matron.

Delia winced, her head was hurting again and it was causing even more confusion to her already fragile mind, she found herself leaving her bedroom and standing in a dimly lit hallway of a home she thought she recognised but couldn’t place. It was becoming overwhelming for her and she began crying, leaning against the walls of a corridor she didn’t know.

At that moment her mam came out of her bedroom clad in a dressing gown, she had become an expert at knowing when her sick child was out of bed and needed her care. “Cariad?” she said, “What are doing out of bed? Have you had another spell?” she asked, referring to her daughters seizures.

Delia looked at this woman who she was sure she knew, it was like a fog in her mind when she tried to place people sometimes, so when she spoke it was as if speaking to a stranger. “I don’t want to be late, I’ve got water in my watch” she said.

“What are you talking about Cariad? Late for what?” Her mam asked with concern, and at that moment Delia seemed to blink with recognition at the woman who stood before her.

“Mam?” she said timidly, realising she was at home again and this person was her mother.

“Oh Cariad… let’s get you back to bed”.  Mrs Busby said as she put an arm around her daughter and led her back to her bedroom. “Come on; let’s not wake your dad up”.

“My head hurts” Delia said, complaining of her headache.

“Let’s get you into bed” her mam replied, “You’ll soon feel better”.

At that moment Delia became like a child again as her mother put her into bed and made her take one of her prescribed sedatives to help her sleep. “You’ll sleep better now” she said as she held the glass of water to Delias lips and made her swill the medicine down.

“There you are” she said quietly as Delia lay down. She found herself unconsciously tucking the blankets around her just like she had done when she was a child.

Delia closed her eyes as she felt the effects of the sedative take hold, “I didn’t want to be late, so she let me take her bike” she whispered dozily.

Her mother had of course heard the details of her accident from the hospital in London so she knew what Delia was referring to, not that she wanted to be reminded of seeing her dear child in that hospital bed, all bruised and battered. “Never you mind that now Cariad, you just get back to sleep” she said as she stroked her daughters hair.  
  
Mrs Busby found herself staying at her daughters bedside until she was sure she was fast asleep again, watching her doze just like she had done when she was a baby.   
On the outside Mrs Busby was a caring, loving and attentive mother who was helping her daughter through an unfortunate accident, which was what she was determined to let the world see. On the inside however she was cursing London, she was cursing that wretched city that had hurt her daughter so badly and had stolen her memory. She should never have let her leave home in the first place, she had never wanted her to go but Delia had already made up her mind. Now that she was home though she was certain that Delia wouldn’t be returning to London to work, she had made up HER mind now, and that would be the end of it.


	12. 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I’ll admit this chapter is longer than usual, but I didn’t feel it was good enough to be called a full fic. Little bit of smut, not much else, takes place after Patsy and Delia arrive in Paris, which probably never happened now that series 6 is over and Patsy was in Hong Kong for most of the year. Oh well, consider it a "what if" chapter.

Patsy awoke early to daylight streaming through an unfamiliar window and for a moment she forgot where she was. That was until she felt the weight of another person lying in her arms and she remembered everything that had happened the night before.

Herself and Delia had arrived in Paris late that afternoon and after arriving in their hotel they decided they were too tired to do anything else than order room service and freshen up from the journey. Delia had gotten a little seasick on the boat over, much to Patsy’s amusement.

“Don’t laugh, I haven’t travelled as much as you, I haven’t got my sea legs yet” Delia had said queasily as she almost threw up over the side of their ferry.

Still, once they set foot on land Delia forgot all about sickness and was just excited to be in France for the first time in her life. Even though they didn’t see many sights on their short trip to their hotel she was still as excited as a little girl to see how beautiful the city of Paris was.

Their hotel wasn’t exactly The Ritz, their room was on the second floor and there wasn’t much view, but it was affordable, had room service and a double bed and that was all they needed to enjoy themselves.

* * *

 

Patsy struggled to move with the weight of Delia pressed against her, not that it was a bad thing if course, she’d been dreaming about being properly alone with Delia for months, it’s just…well; she desperately needed a cigarette right now.

Patsy shifted her body ever so slightly, it was hard to let go of Delia, she looked at her face and noticed how red and swollen her lips looked, they had been very passionate during the night, going for hours until they were both exhausted and collapsed onto each other, that was how they ended up like this, naked and their limbs entwined with each other’s.

Patsy moved one of Delia’s arms that was wrapped around her body off her, and heard a slight whimper of protest from her lover as she managed to slide further away from her.

“Ssshh…stay asleep sweetheart” she whispered as she placed her hands under Delia head and rested her back against the pillow, “I’m not going anywhere”.  She added, to which Delia seemed to be dead to the world again, so she gently stroked her soft black hair to make sure she was lulled back to sleep. There was already a large lovebite on her neck, but that was ok, nobody knew them here and there was nobody who would ask questions about it. There was plenty of time to let it fade before they had to return to London, and panstick would cover it if it wasn’t completely gone by then.

Patsy reached for a shirt that had been discarded by her during the night and pulled it over her head to cover herself while she searched for her cigarettes, they were in the pocket of her coat, along with her lighter, unfortunately the room didn’t seem to come equipped with an ashtray so she headed to the window to smoke there.

She slid the widow open, it was a lovely spring day outside and the early morning air felt good on her face, also the room smelt like sex, so it was a good idea to let some air in anyway. The cigarette, the clean French air and the sight of her love in bed made Patsy feel very relaxed. She sat herself on the windowsill and smiled as she smoked, looking over at her lover as she slept and thinking to herself about the previous night.

Everything had been done roughly at first; months of living in a convent had subconsciously taken their toll on both of them so they gripped each other hard and kissed like there could be no space at all between them.  They needed to fuck each other after all that time hiding in plain sight, repression does terrible things to the soul and when it needs to be gotten rid of it can come out in a tempestuous sort of way. Patsy remembered feeling Delias fingernails down her back as she thrust her fingers into her lover over and over again, going as deep as she could to bring her to a loud screaming orgasm.  
After they had reached their limit they still kept going, they had a lot of time to make up for and they planned on using it wisely, they got a lot gentler with each other though as the night pressed on, making love instead after they had gotten their deepest repressions out of the way.  
Delia had kissed all the way up Patsy’s spine making her shiver and bringing tears to her eyes as she made her come, fingers inside her, playing with her clit at the same time.  It would have almost been too much if Delia hadn’t been whispering “I love you Cariad” at the same time, making her feel so loved and safe and wanted. She wouldn’t have changed anything about the previous night, even if she did have scratch marks down her back because of it, it was wonderful, every single second of it.

* * *

 

As Patsy was reaching the end of her cigarette she heard Delia sigh and stretch out her arms in the bed looking for her, “Pats?” she whispered, still half asleep, and as Patsy was about to reply she flicked her cigarette butt out of the window only to be met with the sound of an irate French voice.

“Eh la roux!, ne jetez pas vos déchets ici!” came the voice from outside, Patsy looked out of the window; it was a man sweeping the patio of the garden below the rooms.

“Oh, je suis désolé monsieur!” Patsy said, spotting the annoyed looking man outside

The man tutted and carried on sweeping, even so Patsy heard him mutter his next words even from her place at the window.

“Tsssk, salope anglais” he said as the sound of the broom almost covered his words

Patsy gasped incredulously and slammed the window shut, momentarily forgetting about the sleepy Delia in the bed.

“What’s going on?” Delia asked rubbing the sleep from her eyes and sitting up, covering herself with the bedsheet.

“Nothing….” Patsy said, “Just a rude Frenchman”

“Oh” Delia replied, as if that answered all her questions. “What time is it?” she asked looking around for a clock.

“It’s nearly 7” Patsy replied, to which Delia just flopped back down on the bed again; the poor girl was still exhausted.

“Aww…” Patsy whispered as she sat back on the bed looking over Delia, stroking her hair once more. “Bonjour” she said as she gave Delia a quick kiss on the lips.

“Bonjour Mademoiselle” Delia said, finally opening her eyes properly and smiling at her lover.

“You pronunciation is getting better” Patsy said as she noticed her Welsh lilt was fading as she tried her best French accent.

Delia sighed happily and reached out to Patsy, pulling her closer to herself again, “Can we sleep a little longer? You wore me out last night” she said with a devilish grin.

“You?!” Patsy said, almost aghast “My fingers are so sore from being inside you. I’m surprised I didn’t break them”

Delia brought one of Patsy’s hand up to her lips and kissed it gently as Patsy snuggled in next to Delia again, resting her forehead gently against hers.

“Je t'aime” Delia whispered, pressing her lips to Patsy’s mouth once more

“Je t'aime aussi chéri” Patsy replied, returning the kiss.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eh la roux!, ne jetez pas vos déchets ici! - Hey red, dont throw your rubbish here!
> 
> Oh, je suis désolé monsieur! - Oh, i'm sorry sir
> 
> Tsssk, salope anglais - English bitch
> 
> Je t'aime - I love you
> 
> Je t'aime aussi cheri - I love you too darling


	13. 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A tiny glimpse at the Busby family. I had this posted up before as a full fic but it was originally written as one of these short fics so i've decided it's better off here instead.

Tomas Busby always seemed to be a perpetually middle aged man, in 1939 he was only in his late 30’s but had always seemed older than his years; he smoked a pipe, wore a flat cap outdoors and a collar and tie every day that he worked in his drapers shop. He was also a cheerful man and perpetually hopeful, not to mention loyal and dedicated to his family.

Business was quiet one particular morning so he took the opportunity to catch up on paperwork, making sure the orders that had come in were filled and making sure the materials were where they should be, ticking things off in his notebook when he was done. He was behind the counter busying himself when he heard the bell over the shop door tinkle and a tiny girl came toddling in happily.

“Daddy!” the little girl chirped merrily, running in unsteadily on her little legs, she was followed swiftly by a plump young woman carrying a basket. “Delia, mind yourself!” the woman called out as she closed the door behind her.

Tomas came out from behind the counter and happily scooped the little girl up into his arms, “Hello Cariad” he said giving the two year old girl a kiss on the cheek, she was wearing a brown duffle coat and was carrying a knitted sheep in her hands, a gift that had been from one of their relatives when she had been born, although Tomas could remember which relative had given it to her since so many people had given gifts to celebrate his firstborn daughter. Delia thrust the sheep towards her daddy’s face and said “Sheep!” She was learning more and more words and sheep was one of her favourites right now.

“Have you brought me a sheep?” Tomas asked his daughter, and then directed his attention towards his wife, Betty. “What’s brought my girls here then?”

“You forgot your lunch this morning” Betty told him, gesturing to the basket hanging from her forearm.

“Oh thank you love I’ve been so busy I’d forgotten all about it”. Tomas said, bringing his little girl over to the countertop and sitting her down on it. Betty unpacked his lunch for him, a ham sandwich and a flask of tea, milky and sweet, the way he liked it.

“Why have you got her all wrapped up?” Tomas asked as he unbuttoned Delia’s duffle coat, allowing the child some freedom from the heavy wool.

“I don’t want her getting a bad chest, it’s getting colder outside”. Betty said

“Oh don’t be silly, she’s a Busby” Tomas said. “Healthy chests and an eye for a good woman, that’s what we’re known for”.

“Is that right?” Betty scoffed at him “And what good will that do _her_? Oh you do talk daft”.

“Daft!” little Delia repeated, looking at her daddy

“It’s not so daft” Tomas told her, as he grabbed his wife around the waist “It’s the reason I married you” he said, giving her a quick peck on the cheek.

“Eat your sandwich” Betty said tutting at him.

* * *

 

Tomas ate his lunch leaning against the counter, sharing the tea with his wife as Delia sat on the counter making baa’ing noises with her sheep, happily playing while her parents discussed important matters.

“You’ve seen the newspaper this morning then?” Betty asked him as she noticed the paper that was folded on the countertop. Hitler’s troops were causing a lot of trouble overseas and it was worrying her knowing how bad things were going.

“Mmhmm” Tomas replied, sipping at his tea

“The war will come to this country Tomas, I can feel it”. Betty said

“It doesn’t mean it’ll come to Wales, we’ll be alright love”. Tomas said, trying to reassure her

“You’ll get called up for service, and what will happen then? What will Delia do without her daddy?” Betty continued, almost bursting into tears.

“Ssssh love” Tomas said, trying to comfort his wife, “I’m not going anywhere. I’ll take care of my girls don’t you worry”.

Delia had raised her head from her sheep as she heard her name being mentioned, “Daddy……” she whimpered as she noticed her parents looking sad.

“Daddy’s here Cariad” Tomas said, picking his daughter up again and knowing exactly what to do to cheer her up. “Look at this….” He said as he brought Delia over to the till on one side of the counter. He pressed a button and the drawer of it came popping out with a “ding!” that made Delia laugh, in fact it served as a constant amusement to her as Tomas pressed several more times  to make his little girl laugh over and over.

“Don’t get her so excited or I won’t be able to get her down for a nap” Betty said after several dings from the till.

Tomas tutted, “Oh you do fuss over her so much love, it’s not good for her”.

“And you dote on her too much” Betty replied in turn. “You’ll turn her into a right little madam”.

“She’s only a baby” Tomas informed his wife “If a man can’t dote over his baby daughter…..” he trailed off, kissing Delia on the forehead.

“Yes well, I should get her home or she’ll be overtired”. Betty replied, getting her coat ready.

“Alright then” Tomas said, setting Delia down again and getting her heavy coat back on her before passing her back into her mother’s arms.

“Right…” he said, giving Betty another peck on the cheek. “I’ll see you both at home then”

Betty nodded as Delia snuggled against her mother’s shoulder, “Bye bye daddy” she uttered as she looked like she was ready for a nap.

“Bye bye Cariad” he waved as his girls headed towards the door and the bell over the door tinkled again as they both left.

Tomas sighed, thinking suddenly about the world his daughter might grow up in, of course he was worried about what was happening in the world, but his place was with his family and there was no point in worrying about something that hadn’t happened yet when he had a shop to run and family to support. Then his eyes shifted to something on the floor, it was Delia’s sheep, she must have dropped it when she was getting her coat put back on.

Tomas picked it up and kissed it, holding it to his lips for a moment before placing it on the counter. He’d bring it back to her later when he got home, for now though he’d keep it near him to remind him of his little girl.


	14. 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place early in Patsy&Delias relationship, before they made their appearance on Call the Midwife.

For Patsy and Delia the one relief from the grind of shifts on male surgical would be that rare occurrence when they both had a day off at the same time, it would be like some kind of holy grail and in the early days of their relationship there was only thing that would be on their minds, each other.

They had been brave one night and Delia had spent the night in Patsy’s room, in her bed to be more specific. They knew that Patsy had the next day off and Delia only had a shift in the afternoon, so they allowed themselves the pleasure of a late night and the joy of waking up together the next morning. They had kissed and kissed and made gentle quiet love long into the night, always a little aware of the need to be careful and as silent as possible but loving each other as much as possible.

They had enjoyed the feeling of bare skin on skin, and the feel of kisses along their necks and collarbones, they had even dared to kiss each other’s breasts which was an amazing experience for the two of them, it got even better when Delia dared to be brave and slipped a hand slowly up Patsy’s thigh, going higher until she made sure her lover was ready.

“Am going too fast?” Delia asked, hoping Patsy would tell her she wasn’t as she was so eager to feel all of her.

“No” Patsy “replied, placing her hand over Delias hand and guiding her towards the sweet spot.

When they lay together afterwards, they were breathless and a little sweaty but also exhilarated and satisfied. Delia was kissing gently at Patsy’s neck when she propped herself up on her elbow, looking at her lover in adoration.

“That was lovely sweetheart” she said with a smile

“You’re lovely” Patsy said back, smiling like a fool. To which Delia couldn’t help herself and kissed her girl again, smiling herself as she pressed her lips against Patsy’s. They kissed more, and teased each other with their fingers during the night before they cuddled against each other ready to settle down for the night in each other’s arms until Delia looked sadly into Patsy’s eyes.

“What are we going to do Pats?” she said, almost with tears in her eyes.

Patsy knew what she was referring to, the fact that they could never be able to tell anyone that they were involved with each other, that they would have to hide their relationship from everyone they knew for fear of their lives being ruined by the scandal.

Patsy replied simply “We’ll have to be careful”.

“Is that what you want?” Delia said, “To hide from everyone? To always be afraid that someone will find out about us?”

“I just want you Delia” Patsy told her.

* * *

 

The next morning Patsy awoke with a smile as she felt the warm body of Delia still asleep curled up next to her, Patsys arm was around Delia’s waist, her small frame perfectly enveloped by the larger figure of the other woman. It was amazing to Patsy how easily Delias body fit against hers and how right it felt having her sleep in her bed.

Patsy gently began kissing the back of Delia’s neck to hopefully wake her up, meanwhile the hand that was round her waist was slowly stroking her leg and moving the delicate fabric of her little nightdress slowly upwards.

Delia awoke slowly, feeling Patsy’s hand working it’s magic on her, she smiled and turned her head to greet her lover with her most adorable sleepy smile. “Good morning” she said, still half asleep.

“Good morning” Patsy said, leaning over and kissing her girl on the lips.

“Mmmm” Delia moaned into Patsies mouth, as she felt her hands still on her legs and working its way towards the waistband of her knickers. She reached her own hand around to stroke Patsies hair then whispered to her, “Play with me”.

So Patsy did, slipping her fingers underneath the delicate fabric she began rubbing Delias already wet clitoris much like they had practised during the night, but lazily in the morning was an even nicer experience.

Delia gripped even harder onto Patsy’s hair, burying her own face into the pillow to quiet her moans as her lover kept fingering her. “Sssh” Patsy whispered gently as she worked her fingers even more between Delia’s legs.

“Keep going…” Delia said breathlessly as Patsy kissed at her neck and shoulders, “I’ve got you” the other woman whispered into her ear.

After several more minutes of Patsy working at Delia’s warm centre she could feel her lovers climax building, “Come for me darling” Patsy said, “Let me feel it”. “And Delia did so, gripping her love and the pillow simultaneously as she shuddered and gasped her way through her orgasm, “Oh…..Pats….” she cried, staying as quiet as possible.

Patsy held onto her for a long time afterwards as Delia came down from her high, stroking and kissing her lovely dark hair until Delia turned around to face her.

“I knew I’d love the feel of those long fingers of yours” she said with a cheeky grin “I’ll be weak in the knees for the rest of the day now”.

“Well I should keep you off your feet for a while then” Patsy said, kissing Delia on the lips “I don’t think Matron would approve of you collapsing on the ward later”.

And with that they both began laughing quietly to each other as Patsy laid Delia on her back again and retook her place on top of the Welsh beauty.


	15. 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place after Pats&Deels visit the Gateways, I know it’s been ages since then but I wrote it before the new series started and before anything that happened in that series made anything irrelevant.
> 
> Delia asks Patsy something she’s been wondering for a while.

“Well, I have to admit, I had a wonderful time tonight Delia” Patsy said as the two of them joyfully took their seats atop a mostly deserted bus, heading back home after a night of dancing at The Gateways.

“I knew I’d get you there eventually” Delia said with a smile. “So you really liked it then?”

“Yes I did” Patsy said, “I dare-say we might even go again”

“Hmm, I don’t know actually” Delia said with a fake frown

“What do you mean? Didn’t you enjoy yourself?” Patsy asked her

“I did, but you must have noticed the way some of the ladies were looking at you?” Delia said quietly out of habit even though they were mostly alone on the bus “I think I may have to fend them off if we go too often, you turned quite a few heads when you went to the bar. Didn’t you notice?” she asked, feigning jealousy

“I’m sure you just imagined it.  Besides….” Patsy said, lowering her voice “I only have eyes for you Deels”.  
  
Delia smiled and placed her head on Patsy’s shoulder as the two watched London pass by the window. They were able to hold hands without worrying that someone may see as the top deck was mostly empty. A few minutes went by quietly before either of them spoke again.

“Pats?” Delia said

“Mmm hmm?” Patsy murmured, looking out the window.

“After I was hurt, when I was back home in Wales, did you ever think about…..moving on? Finding someone else?” she asked tentatively. She wasn’t sure she wanted to know the answer to that particular question, but she would have been lying if she said she hadn’t wondered about that before. She went without replies to her letters for months, so she sometimes thought the worst, of course now she knew it was because her mother never sent the letters in the first place, but at the time she had no idea what the truth was.

Patsy sighed sadly, remembering that awful time.

“Oh….I’m sorry” Delia said, noticing Patsy expression fall, “I shouldn’t have…”

“No, it’s alright” Patsy told her, turning to face her again. “I just can’t bear to think about that time. It was awful”.

“I know” Delia said sadly

“But to answer to answer your question, no, I never thought about moving on.” Patsy continued. “I couldn’t. The worst part of it all, aside from knowing you were hurt, was the uncertainty of it all”.

“Oh?” Delia enquired

“Not knowing anything was the worst pain, I didn’t know how badly your mind was affected or how bad your seizures were, it was dreadful, I could never move on whilst you were still like that.” Patsy told her “If I’d have been given news of you it might have been easier, even if you had never remembered me, or us, or our plans, if I’d known you were going to be alright then maybe one day I could have let you go. But I couldn’t when I still knew nothing; it would have felt like abandoning you”. She said

“I’m so sorry Pats” Delia said, “I’m sorry I forgot you”

“It wasn’t your fault Deels” Patsy told her, rubbing the back of her hand with her thumb.

“I know….but…” Delia began, although she really had no idea where that sentence was going.

“It’s always been you Delia, nobody else could compare. Not even a single woman in that club” Patsy told her with a smile.

“I wish I could kiss you here” Delia said, knowing that it was too risky even on a deserted bus to show her love for her girl.

“Didn’t we do enough of that in the club?” Patsy asked, reminding her how much they had enjoyed each other that night.

“I don’t think I’ll ever have enough of kissing you” Delia told her with a smile, but instead of kissing her she placed her head back on her lovers shoulder and sighed contentedly.


	16. 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place after Sister Julienne’s announcement during the latest Christmas ep.

Delia was feeling rather subdued after all the Christmas festivities had wound down at Nonnatus house, this was her first one as part of the family there but unfortunately she’d had to spend most of it without Patsy. They had shared a kiss that morning and a “Merry Christmas” but Patsy was on duty at the maternity home for the day and despite how lovely everyone at Nonnatus was, and how much fun it was spending Christmas with them she still missed Patsy.

And now it looked like she would be missing Patsy even more, as Sister Julienne had announced there would be a working party going to South Africa in the New Year and she was bound to ask Patsy to go, she was an incredibly skilled midwife and Nurse. Of course Delia didn’t begrudge the trip, she knew the needs of those in South Africa and the mission hospital were greater than her own needs, but she still felt sad at the prospect of missing her love for a month.

She was sat up in her room late that afternoon thinking about it all when her door opened and in came Patsy, she was the only person Delia had told it was alright not to knock first.

“Hello you” Patsy said with a half-smile on her face.

“Hello” Delia said, forcing a smile and crossing her feet underneath herself to let Patsy sit down on the bed next to her.

“I was summoned to Sister Julienne’s office almost as soon as I got back, I thought I was in trouble at first, but instead she told me the news about the mission hospital”. Patsy said

“It’s a great opportunity” Delia said sullenly

“Yes but…gosh, South Africa!” Patsy exclaimed

“It’s very far away” Delia pointed out

“And four weeks is a long time” Patsy said, much to Delias dismay

“Don’t Pats” Delia told her pointedly “I know how long it is, but It’s important that you go and that’s all that matters”.

“Indeed” Patsy said, sensing her tone. “It’s such a shame I won’t be going then”

“What?” Delia said, eyes widening

“Sister Julienne has asked me to be in charge of Nonnatus house for the duration, and of course I told her I’d be glad to”. Patsy said with a devious smile

“Oh that’s wonderful Pats!” Delia said, finally brightening up and wrapping her arms around Patsy, who kissed her hair gently. “But then who _is_ going?” she asked, pulling away again

“Well, Sister Julienne of course, and Sister Winifred, and Barbara and Phyllis. She also wants Doctor Turner to go but I think Mrs Turner will have to convince him first, oh…and Trixie” she told Delia with another smile.

“Trixie? Well that’s…interesting” Delia said, sensing her girlfriend was thinking what she was thinking.

“Isn’t it just” Patsy said, tucking some hair behind Delia’s ear

“So…we’ll be almost alone here?” Delia pointed out

“Yes we will” Patsy said, “I’m sure I’ll have quite a lot of extra work to do, but we’ll still have a lot more time for each other, even if it’s only temporary”.

“It’s still wonderful”. Delia said smiling at her

“Yes, but I’ll be lonesome in my room all by myself for so long” Patsy said feigning sorrow, “You should move in while Trixie’s away, just to keep me company. In fact, I’ll be in charge, so I must insist on it”.

“Oh well, if you insist” Delia said, giving Patsy a peck on the lips

“I do” Patsy said, kissing her back with a little more force

“I like it when you take charge Nurse Mount” Delia whispered against her lips

“Good, then I’m sure you’ll like what I’m about to do next.” Patsy said, pushing Delia back gently against the pillows and deepening the kiss even more.


	17. 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place after Patsy leaves for Hong Kong

Delia knew she couldn’t keep sleeping in Patsy’s bed much longer, Trixie would be back from South Africa any day and if she was still sleeping in that room there would be too many questions she wouldn’t be able to answer.   
But it was too hard to stay away, the sheets still smelled like her lover and the scent of her perfume was still everywhere in the room, how could Patsies decision hurt so much when it was the right decision to make? She needed to be with her father for the last time and Delia was proud of the decision she made to go and be with him, so why did it still hurt so much?

It was so difficult being without her, especially when she couldn’t openly be sad about Patsy’s absence. _“Was this how Patsy had felt?”_ Delia wondered to herself, when she had been taken away to Wales after her accident, did Patsy go through this same heartbreak? Did she feel like there was part of herself missing? Did she feel that heavy ache in her heart every minute of the day? It was utter torture.

Delia would write to her of course, and she would eagerly await any reply just to be able to touch the paper that Patsy had touched and maybe get a hint of her perfume from it, but until then Delia needed something physical to hold onto, some part of Patsy to keep close to her to make it feel like she was still with her. That’s how instead of sleeping in Patsies bed she ended up taking one of Patsies scarves into her own bed with her. The same red scarf Delia herself had been wearing when she’d had her bicycle accident, the one Patsy had so diligently placed her initials inside of.

She clung to it so desperately in the night that she was scared she would tear it into several pieces, but oh….it smelled so like her, like her perfume and bleach and the slightest hint of tobacco, it was just simply her Pats.  She would fall asleep with the fabric pressed against her face the way Patsy would press her skin against her own when they were in bed together. Oh but that was what she missed the most, the feel of her skin against hers, the feel of her lips against hers, the feel of her fingers in her most intimate areas.

Delia had always been a good sleeper, even when she was a baby she would sleep through the night, her mother had once told her that she was such a blessing of a child because of how good she was as a baby, but recently she had become a troubled sleeper.  
It wasn’t just because of Patsy being gone though, ever since her bicycle accident she had been having trouble sleeping through the night, she would often wake up with a headache or because of having nightmares due to the accident, but recently she had been having dreams of a different nature, dreams of Patsy.  
It was always the same, she would dream about Patsy kissing her, about Patsy making love to her, about her fingers touching her all over, about her mouth being between her legs making her feel something she had never thought possible, but the dreams would always end the same way, with Delia waking up suddenly, sweating all over and gasping Patsies name.  
“Patsy!” she gasped, waking up at God knows what hour one night after having another one of her fevered dreams about her lover. It was at times like this she was thankful she had a single room; otherwise there would be some serious explaining to do. “Pats?” she said again, before waking up properly and realising Patsy wasn’t there.

As soon as that realisation hit her she would be reduced to a tearful mess again…it happened every time she would wake and realise Patsy wasn’t there, it would hit her like that car hitting her all over again, only the pain would be so much worse.

“Oh…..” she would gasp….. Only no one would answer as she clutched desperately into the darkness, searching for a body that wasn’t there. “Please?” she would whisper only to find a cotton scarf in the dark instead of her beloved Patsy. That’s what she found one particular night instead of the warm sleeping form of her dear Patsy. Just a simple red scarf that smelled like her but wasn’t really her.

Still, when her hands found that red wool scarf in the darkness Delia held it like it _was_ Patsy. She clutched it desperately to her own skin like it was her lover. “Patsy”….she would whisper into the fabric, just like she was with her, “Oh God Patsy……” she would cry. She clung to that scarf as if Patsy was with her, breathing it in and weeping silently into it. The tears would always come when she realised she was alone, so she held onto that scarf as if it was really her lover that was with her.

“Patsy…..” she whispered into the fabric, “I love you”, she said hoping that somehow, wherever she was and whatever time it was that Patsy would hear her.


	18. 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place immediately after Patsy and Delia are reunited in 6:08

Patsy Mount had returned to Nonnatus house with no fanfare and no warning, suddenly she was just _there._ Delia was the first one to see her, of course that was how she had wanted it, the festivities going on all around were a surprise and Patsy did wonder why there was a carousel suddenly outside the convent, but all that could be answered in due course, the first thing to take care of was Delia.

 _“ …wherever I go next, you’re coming with me”._ She had told her girlfriend before pulling her into a kiss, one that they had both been aching for for 9 long months, not caring that they were in public hidden only by a part of the bridge they were both under. They had been without each other for far too long to worry at that moment about anything.  
Still as they both walked back towards Nonnatus house Patsy couldn’t help but glance around the place, making sure they weren’t seen, old habits do die hard after all.

“What on earth is going on?” Patsy asked, finally addressing the fact that there was a carousel in the street, but before Delia could answer her she heard a friendly voice call her name

“Patsy!” Came the voice of Barbara from the ride, and with that the rest of her nursing chums were made aware of her return home.

“Patsy you’re back!” came Trixie’s voice from one of the horses, which Patsy couldn’t help but notice she was sharing with a young girl, another thing that would need explaining. After a flurry of hugs and “welcome backs” and an introduction to the new Nurse, Valerie Dyer, Barbara chirped in “Patsy you must have a ride on my carousel!”

“Oh I wish I could Barbara, but I’ve had such a long journey I’d quite like a hot bath and to get into bed” Patsy said, not daring to look at Delia while she said that

“Oh….” said Barbara, a little crestfallen “Of course, but welcome back Patsy, we’ve all missed you”.

“Congratulations Babs, and to you Tom” she said to the Reverend who had come to stand beside his new bride, who also added his well wishes to the returning nurse.

As Patsy and Delia headed to the door of Nonnatus Sister Julienne was stood there watching all the festivities in action, she smiled broadly as Patsy approached her.

“Oh my dear Nurse Mount. I’m so pleased you’ve returned to us” Sister Julienne said with her usual cheerful nature.

“Thank you Sister Julienne” Patsy said, returning a smile “I must say it’s good to be back in Poplar, I’m only sad I didn’t make it home in time for the wedding”.

“But you did make it home Nurse” the sister told her as she opened the door and led the pair in, Delia hung back and didn’t speak as she kept hold of Patsy’s suitcase for her. “I can’t tell you how much you’ve been missed”.

“Now, I’m sure you must be weary from your long journey” The sister continued, “as you may know we’ve had a new Nurse join us and in your absence I’ve had her sharing with Nurse Franklin, but as Nurse Gilbert, or rather Nurse Hereward I should say, has vacated her place would you be agreed to sharing with Nurse Crane?”

“Of course sister, thank you very much” Patsy told her

“Anything else you need I would be happy to discuss with you in the morning” The Sister told her, “Now I’ll leave you to unpack and get some rest”. She turned towards the door again before pausing to look back at the young nurse again, “Once again Nurse Mount, welcome home”, she added before heading outside again to join her sisters.

Patsy looked at Delia and nodded towards the stairs, motioning for her to follow.

“It feels like nothing’s changed, yet it seems that so much has” Patsy said as she looked around.

“’I’m still the same” Delia told her. They could both sense an awkwardness between them from being separated for so long, is was obvious that they had a lot to talk about yet neither of them seemed to be able to start the conversation.

“I really do need a bath” Patsy said as the two of them reached the top of the stairs “I might start feeling like myself again after that”.  
  
“Alright, I’ll put this in your room and fetch you a towel” Delia said, still holding Patsies suitcase, they stood looking at each other for a moment not knowing what else to say before Patsy opened the bathroom door and stepped inside.

It still hadn’t hit Delia properly that her love was really back so as she placed Patsies suitcase onto her bed she breathed out heavily, feeling like she had been holding her breath for months just waiting for her to come home. It wasn’t until she heard the sound of running water from the bathroom that she snapped out of the haze she was in. Finding a clean towel and a pair of fresh pyjamas she had kept for Patsy in her wardrobe she headed to the bathroom again, knocking before she let herself in.

“I thought you’d like to change into….” She began to say before she noticed Patsy “oh…..” she quivered as she took in the sight of her lover

Patsy was already half undressed as she waited for the bath to fill and when Delia entered the room she turned to face her wearing only her check shirt and underwear. Her coat, jeans and shoes were in a pile on the floor and she had taken the grips out of her hair so that it was all hanging down, a very rare sight indeed for someone who usually used a whole can of lacquer to fix her hair in place.

Patsy looked at Delia with a small smile as she slowly unbuttoned her shirt, teasing her girl ever so cruelly.

“Oh cripes…..” Delia whispered as she dropped the towel and pyjamas she was holding and practically flung herself at Patsy.

“Pats” she whispered as their lips came crashing together, “Oh God Patsy…..”

There was very little noise in the bathroom then apart from the sound of running water and the gentle whimpers of the two of them as they kissed the hardest they could after so long apart. Delia’s hands couldn’t help wander down and quickly unbutton the remaining buttons of her lovers shirt, quickly slipping her hands inside it to grab her breasts before reaching around to feel her perfect backside as well.

“I missed you so much” Patsy said as Delia leant down to kiss her chest, “Every night I ached for you”

“I know” Delia said, kissing her lips again “I felt it too, it was as if I couldn’t breathe sometimes. I couldn’t think about anything else. Are you really here?” she asked, still not really believing this was all happening.

“I’m home now, Patsy told her, bringing Delias hands up to her own face. “See, I’m here. And I promise I’m never leaving you ever again”.

“I love you” Delia told her

“I love you” Patsy told her back before kissing her again, softly this time. “Come on, you can scrub my back” she said with a smile as she nodded towards the bath.

Patsy shed the remainder of her clothes as Delia perched herself next to the tub, enjoying the view. As Patsy stepped into the hot water and sank down into it she let out a satisfied moan.

“Oh lord….” She said, sighing happily as she let the water envelop her. “That feels wonderful”.

After that it was like the two of them had never been apart, Delia washed Patsy’s back gently and helped her shampoo her long hair as they chatted about everything that had happened in Nonnatus in her absence. Delia told her about Sister Ursula and how she had left after nearly causing the death of a baby, she told her about the awful stillbirth she had witnessed in the hospital and how she longed for the comfort of Patsy after seeing something so horrible, she told her about the new Nurse, and about Trixie’s new chap, about the car accident Phyllis was involved in and how much Phyllis had been there for her when she was alone.  And she told her how deeply terrified she was during the missile crisis when she thought she would never see Patsy again how she thought she would never be able to hold her one last time and tell her how much she loved her.

As Patsy rinsed the shampoo from her hair she told her very much the same, about how she couldn’t bear the fact that they were so far apart from each other and unable to say _I love you_.

“But we can say it now” Delia told her “Even if it’s still behind closed doors I’d rather have that than nothing at all”.

“Come here” Patsy said, beckoning her to come closer and Delia leaned in for a kiss, but instead Patsy playfully splashed her with water, getting the front of her dress wet.

Delia gasped, having not expected that, but eventually laughed as she saw the funny side, especially as Patsy was still grinning at her deviously. “I’ll have to get you back for that”. She told her, giving her a proper kiss on the lips.

“Oh I hope so” Patsy said with her lopsided smile. “Now pass me that towel please”.


	19. 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Delia finally tells Patsy the truth about the stillbirth she witnessed

_“Is she having a nightmare”_ Patsy thought to herself as she flicked on the bedside lamp after being  was awoken to Delias whimpers in the middle of the night.

They had been sharing a room now ever since Patsy had gotten back from Hong Kong, Phyllis had agreed to swap with Delia so that she could have some privacy in her advancing years but the young couple both knew that she was swapping because she wanted to support the couple in her own way, and one of those ways was letting them have their own room together.

Patsy never thought Delia was one for nightmares, she was always such a happy spirit, but ever since her accident she told Patsy that she sometimes had trouble sleeping. Still, it was odd for Patsy to see her lover whimpering and shaking in her sleep.

Patsy wrapped an arm around her and that seemed to settle her down, they didn’t always share a bed even though they were sharing a room together. If they were working difficult shifts they found it easier to keep to separate beds to avoid disturbing the other but sometimes they just needed to be with each other, like tonight.

“Sssh darling” Patsy whispered to Delia “I’m here”

Delia seemed to stop her noises after that, she seemed to have gentled down again. Gosh she was so beautiful to look at while she slept, like an angel. Patsy’s angel, she was the only person who could still her troubled soul.

So Patsy knew it was now her job to try and still Delias soul, whatever was causing her nightmares had to be stopped.

When they both woke up the next morning Patsy smiled sleepily at Delia as she turned over and faced her. “Good morning” she said

“Good morning” replied Delia

“Did you have a nightmare last night?” Patsy asked her bluntly

“No….I don’t think so. Why?” Delia said, lying to herself and Patsy

“You were shaking in your sleep, and I think you were saying something but I couldn’t tell what”. Patsy told her.

“Oh, well, I don’t remember what I was dreaming about” Delia told her, pulling back the covers “It must have been nothing. Come on, time to get up”.

 

* * *

 

So that seemed to be the end of that conversation and Patsy didn’t bring it up again until the next night, when they were once again sharing the same bed and Delia commenced her shaking and whimpering.

Patsy awoke to the sound and flicked on the bedside lamp, she was definitely having a nightmare, Patsy had seen enough people fighting their own demons to know what a nightmare looked like.

“Delia” she whispered, shaking her lover gently on the shoulder “Delia wake up”.

She woke with a gasp, and stared straight ahead before turning around and seeing Patsy in the lamplight.

“Pats? What?” she said, confused and sleepy

“I’m sorry” Patsy said, apologising for waking her “But you were having a nightmare, I know you were”.

Delia sighed and nodded sadly, she wasn’t going to be able to avoid talking about this, despite how horrible it was for her to recall.

“Tell me what’s wrong Deels” Patsy told her, stroking her hair gently.

“It’s…. Do you remember I told you about the stillbirth I had to attend? In the hospital?” she began, to which Patsy nodded, knowing that it must have been a horrible thing for Delia to see.

“I didn’t tell you, but it wasn’t full term, the mother was only six months gone. I saw it, it was so small…..it barely looked like a baby but I know it was, it had fingers and toes”.

“Oh darling, I’m so sorry” Patsy told her

“I just keep seeing it” Delia said, with tears falling down her face “I keep seeing its lifeless body. I had to take it away Pats, while the mother was screaming. I can still hear her screaming for her baby”.

Delia cried for a few moments as Patsy wrapped her arms around her and let her bury her face into her chest to quell the tears.

“I knew I’d see a stillbirth one day” she said, looking up at Patsy again “But I was so unprepared for it. It was so awful I could barely bring myself to look at it. I felt sick afterwards. I felt sick for so long actually. I kept wishing I hadn’t been on duty that day, that someone else would have had to take it away, but it was me, I did it”.

“Nobody warns you how shocking they can be do they?” Patsy told her and Delia shook her head

“All I wanted afterwards was to see you, to have you comfort me. I knew you’d be able to understand”. She said

“Have you been having these nightmares ever since it happened?” Patsy asked

“Not every night, I’ve been trying not to think about it, but sometimes I can still see it when I close my eyes”. Delia admitted. “How do you move on from these things? How do you tell yourself to forget it?”

“I don’t know” Patsy admitted. “I suppose you just try your best for the next mother and the next baby. There will always be painful days, but there are so many babies more who will live and that’s what we’re here for Deels. You shouldn’t forget the ones who never drew breath, I know I can’t. But you will be able to come back from this and I promise I’ll be here for you if something awful happens again”.

Patsy kissed Delia gently on the forehead, trying to kiss away all her bad dreams. “Let’s go back to sleep darling” she whispered

“Only if you hold me” Delia replied

“All night, I promise” Patsy said before turning off the light and wrapping her arms securely around her love.


End file.
